Thoughts of a woman

Loving the right person at the wrong time. Having the wrong person when the time is right. And finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.  And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. 

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person.  In my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love.  Love is always present.  It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. 

As we all know, the heart is the center of the body.  But it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right.  Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love.  But to only discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

So here's a piece of advice:Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love Isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more.

Honor love in all its forms.  Because love will not be denied just because someone thinks you don't have a right to it. And those who have the courage to risk their love, never lose.  Even when they feel betrayed and lost, even when it feels futile, love has a way of reigniting and reanimating our lives.  Of surfacing at a time when we least expect it. Especially in people who only needed a chance to show you you could shine.  Love is our pulse.  Our breath.  And no matter who you find yourselves in love with, it's always a gift.

Before you I was like Cheeta, I always played. Years before us, I tasted a bit of love and fell flat on my face.
Before you I was like a cat... a scary cat, afraid to be heartbroken and lose someone I took the risk to love.
You came in my life, and convinced me it was okay to fall. You gave your word and promised you would be here no matter what.
I remembered as I was falling, I was heading toward a massive airplane. Just when I was about to crash, you caught me; and I landed safely in your arms. On top of this huge airplane, we felt as if we were sitting on top of the world. Upon the plane, I lay and you lay with me; I ate and you ate with me; I prayed and you prayed with me.
We had got tired of the blue sky' and white cotton clouds and wanted to be with the daisies. Knowing you were there for me, I jumped from the airplane, but you did not jump with me.
You didn't catch me.
You weren't there. Instead you stayed on the plane to catch someone else, while I was falling chest first unprepared to hit land. When I crashed my chest bust opened , my heart rolled out and busted into pieces. You knew my heart was cracked, so you fixed me up just to destroy me again. I collected all the pieces I was able find.
Time was my super glue.
When I had most of the pieces, time glued them back together. I placed my fragile little heart back where it belonged, closed my chest and sewed me back together.
That day was the day I told myself to never open up my chest for any soul. I can't help feeling sorry for the happy openhearted girl above me, sitting on top of the plane feeling as if she on top of the world. Just like I felt. Just like I, she will experience heartbreak. I just hope she doesn't fall chest first.

Anonymous 

Dear C,

Spending time with you this summer was bittersweet.  We had our good moments and we definitely had our bad moments.  it is those good moments I cherish.  From the beach on your birthday, which was unexpected, to the quack doctor for your tonsils.  Ahhh, the memories.  We were kinda  on a roller coaster ride for those couple of months.  Weren't we? I want you to know that I think you are amazing.  You are a wonderful man.  You are passionate, caring, smart, dedicated, funny, charming and not to mention good looking.  I don't know why it is that you can't see how great you are.  I wish you could see what I see in you and stop being so hard on yourself.  Just look deep inside yourself and see all the good that's there.  Believe me, it's there!  You just have to believe it yourself.

Thank you for the memories.  Thank you for the laughs.  Thank you for making my first year at CTY memorable.  Thank you for being a friend.  It is for guys like you that make me believe in the good of others. 

Michelle

P.S  Don't think you got away with me not taking you down.  One of these, I will be taking you down to the ground!

Camp was amazing!  Something I never would have expected.  I thought it was just going to be some ordinary summer job but it was much more than that.  The experience is something I will never forget.  The people who I worked with were amazing and the friends I made are fantastic.  Regardless I was up to my eyeballs in Swine Flu bull crapola, it was all worth it to me.  Leaving everything behind in San Francisco was what I needed to do for myself.  To get a different perspective on my life.  I loved living in my own little world in LA.  I was out of reality with everything that I had to face back at home.  It was a much needed break and I am looking forward to going back next summer.

Thanks CTY for the great memories!  You rock!

Why are so many famous people dying? I know we all go at some point but I find it a bit eerie. Don't you? Ed McMann, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Michael Jackson, and Karl Malden. They come in threes, right? I wouldn't be surprised to hear of another death sometime soon. Would you? Would you even blink if you heard of someone else dying? Are we becoming immune to death? Is the shock of it all fading within us?  Is it something we have come to accept?  Are we ready to accept it when it happens to us as individuals?

Death.  It's an odd thing.  Isn't it?  It is the one unknown in life.  There are many unanswered questions surrouding this event.  Does it signify an end or a beginning to something?  At some point, all the vagueness and unknowns will come to light since "we all die.  The goal is not to live forever.  The goal is to create something that will."

Today is my birthday or should I say was since it is the end of the day.  It was also my first day at my new summer job.  Being a site nurse at a camp is going to be Ah-MAZING.  I met so many people today that I think will be fun getting to know.  They vary in ages, backgrounds and come from all over the United States!  It is an eclectic group of people to say the least and they are quite enjoyable! 

Thank goodness my roommate is cool.  Here is why.... I mentioned to her I was going to buy flowers for the kitchen table since our apartment looks so sterile and stale.  She bought be fake flowers today in a vase.  It totally brightens up the room and will last the whole 7 weeks!  I love them!  And she also bought me a lint brush.  I know this all sounds silly but I asked if she had one this morning and she said no.  So she bought me one.  Isn't that thoughtful?  I thought so! 

Anywho, today was a day of hard labor.  I moved I don't know how many desks, dressers, bookcases and chairs.  Can't forget the endless boxes too.  I am staying on campus at a University.  We converted dorm rooms into offices so that is why we were moving furniture around all day.  After all the moving, guess what came next? Unpacking all those boxes! 

In the end, the health office, infirmary and my office were all set up.  I am excited that I get my own office.  I feel like such a professional.  I put a couch in there too so I can take naps when no one is looking.  :-D

I think I am really going to enjoy my summer and my co-workers! 

Remind me again why drunk people always want to start a fight?  A drunk bitch, I mean girl, attempted to start a fight with me while I was out trying to enjoy a birthday drink or two.  The reasoning behind it was STUPID and so was she!  FYI:  This is a girl who stood up on the bar and let the bartender hit her on her bare ass with a paddle stick!  WTF?  It's not Coyote Ugly...even though she was ugly.  No one wants to see her nasty ass while trying to enjoy a drink!  I took the high road, I walked away.  I am much too old, mature and wise to be fighting trash, right?

How old is too old to be getting into brawls at your local bar? Or anywhere for the matter?

We do not live to die.  We live to love!  Right?  If that is the case, how many ways can a heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?  I have lived through a lot that should have finished me in the past years.  There are days I feel strong and there are days I feel horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.  But lately, the strong feelings have prevailed.

Happiness is something you  decide on ahead of time.  

The five simple  rules to be happy: 
1.   Free your heart from hatred. 
2.   Free your mind from worries. 
3.   Live simply. 
4.   Give more. 
5.   Expect less. 

G: growth
R: Relationships
I: Integrity
P: Passion

Life starts with passion.  If you don't have passion for something, then why do it?  Have passion for everything which you become involved.

Integrity is not about just being honest.  It is about making commitments and honoring them.  For example, make plans to meet tomorrow, then meet, no excuses.

Relationships are critical to human survival, happiness, well being and growth.

We are always growing.  When we stop growing, we die. 
We are always learning

IF you combine all the qualities of GRIP you get results

Love life

Love people

Love being successful

Always improve, love and grow.
Always be full of commitments and do things honestly even when it is uncomfortable.

That is the Mantra I will begin to live by.

SENSITIVE by nature!

It is one of our best qualities.

And one of our most damning.

Because it pains us more than most can comprehend.

Why would I think you care?  Our contract is null and void.  It has expired.  You seem to think it is on hold pending renewal.  I have never heard of that one before.  Pending cancellation is more like it if you ask me.  So why do I keep looking over this contract?  I need to rip it up, put it through the shredder, burn it!  Do something!

I am out of order.  And you seem to be too busy to fit me on your list of things to do.  Why is that?  Cause you are still the same selfish person.  Cause it is always about you and never about me. 

I need to go find this contract and throw it in the fireplace already.

Meme taken from my dear panthrsoul 

I would like to know 33 things about you. It doesn't matter if we never talk or if we already know everything about each other.

Short and sweet is fine...</lj>

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
11. What is your favourite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What colour eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What 's your favorite hang out?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you re-post this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?